Just Great
by Is-Simple
Summary: A hiss seemed to slip past Edwards lips "Speak for yourself. I just had my BLEEP's waxed thanks to you!" And Jacob couldn't think of a better way to start the day.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- I started a new goal this year. I want to get at least 17 stories posted and 100,000 before the end of the year. And I'm really good at procrastinating... So I just decided that even if the idea is stupid, I'd still try and write it out. So here, enjoy this. (And If I were you, I wouldn't count on getting more to read _)  
**

**Be warned this is YAOI.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight. **

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Looking down at his chest Jacob knew something was definitely wrong. Not that Jacob had a habit of staring at his chest when woke up in the morning. But something was totally and utterly wrong. It took all his efforts just to not scream. That's how wrong everything was.

Quickly jumping out of bed, he put on a pair of pants, with a belt. And the thickest shirt he could find. It didn't matter that he was already late for school. He needed to leave before the others saw him!!!

On second thought... He snatched up a hat and a pair of sunglasses from his dresser. Then he left, ignoring his fathers lecture about how he was late for school. He knew that.

Reaching his truck he quickly jumped in. He didn't know where to go... But Bella was a good idea. He made it to her school in record time. They didn't get out for another few hours. So he just waited and practiced his voice... He sounded so different. It took awhile to get his voice to stick to this new way of talking. But he really needed to sound as normal as possible.

Taking out his cell, he left Bella a quick message that he was at her school waiting outside for her. And a few minutes later he got a quick 'k' in return.

How could this have happened?? Was it the soup he ate last night? Did he do something to piss off god?? What did he do?? Hearing the school bells going off, he quickly left his truck and walked up to the front of the school. Realizing that maybe it wasn't smart idea to leave home without putting on shoes first.

Yea bad idea number 1.

Bad idea number 2. Thinking that Bella would be leaving the school alone, without her leech attached to her.

Oh how wrong....

"Bella" he greeted as soon as her and the whole Cullen coven was close enough. "I need to talk to you." He could tell his voice wavered. He just didn't care.

"If you have something to say to her, you could say it to all of us." The blond female stated. And he just suddenly got the desire to run. But then where would he go? He couldn't very well steal Bella, Edwards arms were wrapped tightly around her.

Readjusted his glasses... He started. "I ... think I pissed off someone last night." On second thought... "I ... would like to see your father." He spoke these words to Rosalie.

"Pah. And what makes you think we'd let you do that?" And he could feel his eyes water at her words. Taking a deep breath he calmed his self down.

"Because if you don't I'll scream rape. I'll even take off my top." And he would.

"Oh yea... " Rosalie laughed "As if a bunch of people are going to believe a girl would be raping a guy." She even rolled her eyes.

"You're right." At this moment in time, he wasn't even thinking. He just knew that the only person who would be able to help him was . And if said mans kids wanted to piss him off, he was going to fight back.

Pulling the male closet to him, the blond one, he opened his mouth to scream. Only to have another hand covering his mouth. "Very well," Edward hissed. Turning back to the rest "We'll take him with us, just so he will leave us alone. Alice I'm sure you've informed Carlisle that we will be having a guest over." Finally releasing Jacob he started walking to his car.

Bella quickly moved over to Jacob as the blond male moved away from his arms. "What are you doing?? Are you trying to cause a scene??" It was almost like being slapped. So he growled back. The sound was low and rumbling. He almost couldn't hear it even as it left his mouth.

"Are you both coming?" Edwards voice once again. They both quickly jogged up. The ride was short and tense, and by the time they got to the Cullen house, all of the others were there all waiting outside. Slowly getting out of the car, he was greeted with a smile from who he could assume was 'Carlisle'.

Everyone was quickly settled inside.

"So Jacob... I hear you wanted to talk to me?"

Taking a deep breath "I would... like to ask if I could stay here for about a month." There was a cry of outrage from most of the vampires. However, Carlisle kept his cool.

"And why is that?" Jacob lowed his head.

"Because returning there... would not be a wise idea on my behalf." with a nod to go on, he did so hesitantly. "I'm sure you know a lot about Shifters, correct?" a nod "Normally when a pack of wolves has too many men over females, the males start... hooking up." He put in simply terms.

"And... the others are trying to "Hook up" with you?" He could hear Rosalie and a few others laugh.

"No. Since... we are shifters... are bodies adjust... to the new changes." Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath "There is only one female shifter on my pack, and as such, she could be the only one to give birth. But since she has yet to ... breed or even choose a mate. And since the pack is slowly... getting smaller... Some have... adjusted to the change."

A bunch of blank stares met his. Damn... "... I guess I could just show you all..." Taking another breath to try and control fast beating his heart, he took off his glasses first, keeping his head bowed as he did so. Then his hat, where rivers of hair suddenly fall past and down his shoulders and to his lower back.

Lifting his eyes slowly again he met Carlisle's confused face. He quickly lifted his shirt up to show off his new breasts. There was a few gasps, a choke from Bella. And everyone had a startled face. Quickly lowering his shirt. His head bowed down again.

"... Your bodies adjust...?" He lowered his head further. "And you can't return to your pack... because?"

"If I were to do so... I'm not sure if any of you noticed it, but my scent has changed." He got a soft yes from Alice "This smell, is the smell of a female in heat. Going back there... Would..." He slowly swallowed the saliva that filled his mouth "It's like telling all the others that I am ready to breed. And since only one of the pack members has a mate, all of the males would be "fighting" for me..."_ And where I would either be claimed unwillingly or many of the pack members would be hurt._

A slow nod from Carlisle "I see... So... you wish to stay here?" A silence. No. He really didn't. "Why just a month?"

"Because... that's about the normal time length females seem to be in heat... I'm hoping after that... that I'll change back..."

"Very well. Alice could you show him to his new room?" He was led up a bunch of stairs, showed to where all the bathrooms were located, and then taken to a rather large room. Apparently his was the last door on the left.

"I'll bring you a few things in a little. Make your self at home!" And she then sprinted out of the room. Taking a quick look of the room. A bed in the middle of the room, a dresser on both sides. And a closet in the far corner. Looking back at the bed, he made his way over laid over and was instantly asleep.

* * *

_"Breeder are a type of shifter that will be able to change when needed. Their bodies will adjust to new temperatures, to new surroundings. These breeders, are very rare and are normally only found out when their bodies decided that a change is needed." Sam's voice informed everyone._

_"So... that means... that there is... that one of us could be one?" Seth asked. And Jacob didn't like how Sam's eyes seemed to flash at him. No one else seemed to notice though._

_"Yes, that is correct. Now I bet you all wonder why they are called 'breeders' huh?" A bunch of people hummed in agreement "You see, for if ever at a time, where the is more males then females or vice verse and the pack isn't rebuilding itself fast enough, these breeders will come in. There will be a limited amount of time that they will be stuck in a certain form."_

_"A certain form?" Embry's voice asked this time._

_" Yes... See, as I said, if there is too many males, these Breeders, can change gender as well. The change will only last for about a month." Sam's voice took on a lower, sadder tone "These shifters goal would be to seduce all of the other shifters and get pregnant as many times as possible, and seduce as many of the males on the pack as possible."_

_"Wait... You said they could change gender... so the... Breeder... is a male?" Jacobs own voice asked._

_Yet again Sam's voice lowered. "They can be, but it is same if there was too many females, and too few males. These breeders... when they change form, their scent will be addicting to all the others, male or female. The only ones not affected by it would be ones who have already imprinted." Sam locked eyes with him then and Jacob knew that the reason that he was telling the pack this...that he was telling Jacob was because Jacob himself was one._

_"They have no choice in this do they?" Jacob asked._

_Lowering his head Sam's voice seemed to slightly weaver "They do not. And since they are Breeders... they cannot have an imprint. They will never have just one mate. It is their bodies goal, as said, to mate and breed as many times to rebuild up the pack." After a few more facts, Sam left them all to talk what they just learned._

_"Man... guh... Can you just think about it? I mean... Being stuck in a female body, with only one goal to seduce all the other males on the pack? It's a little freaky. If it was me, I'd run. There is no way I'd want anyone's, pack or not, penis in me." Seth then made a few choking noises as well. A few of the pack joined in as well._

_Jacob just seemed to freeze at it all. He had just been informed that someday, that he would turn into a female, and his bodies scent will be addicted to all of the others that even if he was willing or not, he would breed._

* * *

Quickly snapping his eyes open, he met with the concerned face of Alice. "I brought you some pillows." She said it quite weakly as she lifted up the pillows. "Edward... just told everyone what you just dreamed... It's rather sad..." And next thing he knew he had an arm full of Alice.

He realized that when his eyes started blurring that Jacob was crying. At the moment, he wasn't sure if he was trying to console Alice, or if she was trying to console him. It didn't really matter. Pushing his face into Alice's shoulder he hugged her harder, she returning the favor.

After a few minutes of silence Alice's voice broke the silence again "Esme... She made you some dinner." Even though Alice said this, she didn't release Jacob from her hold. And Jacob realized he didn't either.

* * *

**A/N- Uh... I know there has been stories where Jacob changes gender... So please don't tell me I'm being unoriginal. As said above, just writing as an idea comes to me. So... if you want more of this story... Please review. I won't update stories that no one likes. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - This I just had to write. It doesn't really have any real importance in the story. But it made me smile. Well, the first part. One last note, I keep picturing Jacobs female form as the lead singer of "The Pussycat Dolls"  
**

**DISCLAIMER- Still do not own.**

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* * *

**Dinner the first day was different. Even thought the Cullen's were vampires and clearly didn't eat, they all sat at the table like a family would. And for being a vampire who died over 50 years ago, Esme could still cook. But then again, Jacob himself lived off frozen dinners and soup, most anything would taste better to him.

"Thank you Esme for the food." It wasn't until after Jacob had said that he realized that he dropped his voice from his 'male' voice. He hadn't actually listened to his voice now. But it was totally different.

A small smile "No thank you, it's been awhile since I had actually cooked anything." Dinner moved on with little conversation from him. At the moment Alice was talking to Bella about a shopping trip. Which Jacob knew was about him. Emmet was talking about going hunting soon, maybe even a nice night alone with Rosalie.

And Carlisle...

"Ah Jacob. No need to worry. Your part of the family now! Though, I guess I should have a talk with you after dinner, would you mind?"

"Not at all." And Jacob was going to choke on those words later.

* * *

"Ok... Jacob please sit down." And Jacob knew he was doomed when Carlisle brought out a box of tampons.

"I change my mind." Jacob quickly interrupted. "I'm part of the family now, and if you have something to tell me, you can tell everyone else as well. It's only fair" If Jacob was going to learn how to shove stuff up his newly found lady parts, then everyone else would as well. He wouldn't be the only one going down!

"Ah..." A light cough from Carlisle... "Very well..." Even thought he knew it was probably awkward for Carlisle, it was going to be worse for him. "Everyone... could you please come in here please...?" Carlisle's own voice was hesitant. But soon enough everyone (including Bella) was in the room, sitting on the floor.

A few seconds of silence "So Jacob... Since your body has changed... there will be a lot of different things... that... you will notice." A small snort from Emmet "Fist off... These here" He lifted the box up again "Are tampons... Is how you..." A pause "Put... them..." another silence "Wear them... Is... by... " Carlisle once again paused. "Never mind." He set the box down again "These here, are pads." He lifted up one "And they are easy to put on. All you have to do is... attache them to your underwear and-"

"I wear boxers still." His voice broke through "How would that work out?" He could hear Carlisle's voice hick.

"You... will need to wear... panties.. for... these pads to work."

"Ok... So what about the tampons? Would I need to wear panties for those to work?" He heard a few giggles from Alice and Emmet.

Carlisle seemed to have lost his voice again "Ah... No... I don't think you need to wear... panties... to... Uh... wear tampons."

"Ok." Jacob gave a quick nod of his head "Then how do the tampons work?" He could just tell Bella was blushing, because in a room full of vampires, the room still seemed to be getting warmer.

Carlisle let out a low cough "Ah... well... For tampons... You will... have to-to..." Once again Carlisle's voice broke off.

"Insert them?" Alice's voice filled in.

"Ah yes..." Carlisle gave a quick nod to Alice "Insert them... into-"

"How... and where do I insert them?" He wasn't going to let Carlisle skip out on giving detail. This time even Edward and Rosalie even managed a small laugh.

Dr. Cullen's face was turned the oddest shade of white as well "Well... you see... Men and women bodies are different... As you could hopefully tell... And you would... insert the tampon...Into... your.........." Carlisle broke off again but gave a low nod to Jacobs crotch. Another cough "And... I'm not really sure... how you would insert them..."

Another long silence.

"There is instructions inside the box." Rosalie's voice broke threw "You could take a look at that, it would help you explain things much better to Jacob here." And he had never actually seen Carlisle glare before.

"Ah, yes." Voice hard "I wouldn't have thought of that before. Thank you Rosalie." Opening the box open he pulled out a piece of paper, and after a quick scan Carlisle held up a tampon, removing the wrapping from it as well

"This here," pointed to plastic cover "is the insertion tube. You... will have to push on that to insert the tampon. And after the tampon is fully in, you will pull the plastic out. There should be little to no discomfort." And Carlisle demonstrated it as he said it. And he even managed to say it all with one breath.

"How... How do I make it stay inside?" No Jacob was certain that the reason most everyone started coughing was they were trying not to laugh, well maybe besides Bella and Carlisle. "Won't it fall out?" He even tilted his head to the side.

"Er..."

"Wait..." a pause "Why would I need to place something there anyways?" He faked a gasp "I always thought girls wanted to keep being tight down there! Is this like some weird ritual??" Now could diffidently hear everyone laugh. Learning in closer to Carlisle he whispered "If this is true... How do you know about it? Isn't this some weird well kept girl secret?"

Carlisle made a slight choking noise in his throat "Moving on... Since we don't know how long your body will stay like that... You should be informed about sex. from a women point of view." Here he pulled out a book and started reading

_"The popping of the cherry refers to the breaking of the female hymen, a small covering of tissue in the vagina which sometimes breaks and bleeds during first intercourse. The hymen can be broken by many things though, including tampons, horse or bicycle riding or masturbation. It is not possible to be certain though a medical check if a woman is a virgin, and it is impossible to tell if a man is._ Any questions?" (1)

Jacob felt a little sick. He knew about all this from school, but not looking at it from a girls point of view... "Pretty much... Your saying, sex is going to hurt like a bitch the first time?" Carlisle seemed to pause and think about that.

"Not always, it's depends on many things. But women have said to feel a stinging after they do. But it also depends on how careful ... your partner is, or how endowed he is." Now Jacob was really starting to feel sick. He... was getting a sex talk, about having sex with men.

"And lesbian sex?"

"W-Well... I guess that would depend on ... the toys you use."

"Toys?" He tilted his head again... _'They have toys for lesbians?'_

A cleaning of his throat "Uh, like... Dildos and vibrators." And Jacobs hand flew to him mouth to stop the shocked gasp from leaving his mouth. Omg. He was going to have a hand time looking a fruit now without thinking about !!! That! It just... Omg. Yea he was going to be sick.

Once again Alice was in his arms. "Shh it's OK, I swear is doesn't hurt for long..." And then Alice was on the floor.

"It's not OK! I don't want to have sex with another male! I'm totally and utterly repulsed by that idea!" And if to prove what Jacob had said everyone turned their eyes to Jasper who just nodded in return.

"I'm starting to even fill a little sick just by disgusted Jacob is..." And then Jasper had an armful of Alice.

* * *

If Jacob thought getting a sex talk from Carlisle was bad. It was nothing compared to when Jacob finally got the time to call his father.

"Uh hey dad." Jacob used his male voice "I-"

"Jacob Black. Where have you been! I've tried calling your cell! Even the pack went on a search party for you! They found your truck but not you!" Billy's voice answered back. Yea. Totally worst then the sex talk. Definitely when yet again the Cullen's were surrounding him.

"... I had a sort of emergency... And stopped by Bell's school... And well... Bella's with me now. So no need to fear!" There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. That's right. Make it sound like you were protecting Bella.

A soft sigh "The only reason I can think is why'd you be at the Cullen's house willing is for one reason... It finally happened, huh?" Now Jacob was just confused. Getting up from the table he was seated at, he left all the Cullen's (+ Bella) alone in the dining room. Where Jacob made his way outside.

"You... knew about this the whole time?" Jacob let his voice down and started talking with his newer voice "This whole time?" His voice was wavering, tears were starting to fill his eyes and his heart seemed to clinch.

"I did. But I couldn't just tell you. Just like I couldn't tell you about being a shifter. It's one of those things that you have to learn on your own." Billy's own voice had lowered as well "I'll tell Sam about this. And please promise me... That you won't come back here until this is all over OK?" And Jacob could only give out a shaky 'yes' in reply.

And just like that he got an empty dial tone. There was no "I'm sorry" no "Where will you be staying" just nothing. With the sex talk he might have been embarrassed... But this... this just hurt.

* * *

**A/N- haha. Yea. It just wouldn't leave my head!**

**Also, is everyone OK that I keep referring Jacob as a male, even thought he is now a female? **(P.s- Didn't I say that it wasn't likely that I would update this??)

**Er, also for those who are thinking that Jacob will keep being a girl, no. I'm sorry. It can't be yaoi if Jacob is a female.**

1. Got the information from Askmen dot com.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Listen to, and watch _"When I grow up"_ from Pussycat Dolls. =]Still, for not updating this... Damn. I'm procrastinating on procrastinating!!! I'm actually getting stuff done! It's annoying!  
**

**Disclaimer- Do not own. **

* * *

It was only after a few hours after his talk with his father that Alice deemed it time to go shopping.

She was crazy. It was already close to midnight and she wanted to go shopping?

Well, that had been his first thoughts. But now as he was dressed in only lingerie locked in a Victoria Secrets changing room... His thoughts were totally not on that at all. In fact as soon as he could stop staring at his breasts, he was going to give Alice a big hug.

But his eyes weren't moving. And when they were they were scrolling up and down his body in a slow manner. Jacob had to at least been in there for five minutes, but he just couldn't stop staring.

When he had left his house it had never accrued to him to actually look in a mirror. All he knew was that he had breasts and that he had to leave before the others could smell him.

But now that he was standing in front of a mirror. He just couldn't stop staring. He was wearing a tight sexy black bra and some black lacy panties. Though, he was sure you weren't supposed to try on panties... But, at the moment he just didn't care.

All he needed was some black heels to put on and he'd look like a lingerie model. Standing in front of him... Was the female of every mans wet dreams.

The dots in his head just didn't connect that, that female was him.

"Jacob? Are you OK? If you need some help with the bras I could help you." And Jacob had to swallow the saliva that suddenly filled his mouth.

"I-I'm fine." Now only if he could stop staring. How had he put these things on without looking in the mirror?? Oh god... This was only the first pair of lingerie that he had tried on. There was at least 4 other pairs.

And he had to cover his mouth to stop the hysteric laughter from leaving his mouth. He felt totally and utterly ecstatic! In fact he was bouncing in place. And his eyes were once again drawn to his breasts. Oh... they bounced. Placing his hands over his breasts he started bouncing again.

And now he was sure he was laughing, the women in the mirror looked to be laughing. A huge smile was covering her face. Which showed off her straight white teeth.

"Edward!" Alice's voice hiss out "I think Jacob went crazy!" He could tell she was holding the phone out close to the stall. He just still didn't care "He won't stop laughing! I don't know what to do!"

Placing his hands on his hips he did a little twirl. Only to pause when he remembered there was a short catwalk outside the changing stall. One that had a lot of mirrors.

By now Alice was still on the phone panicking, trying to tell Carlisle the reasons why he might have lost his mind.

He didn't care.

Opening the door he met Alice's concerned face, but he looked passed her to the mirrors behind her. Passing Alice he made a slow walk there, watching as his hips seemed to sway in a seductive way. Now he really did wish he had those heels.

God, he was lucky that he still couldn't get erections. For sure, he would be supporting one now.

On the phone Alice made a soft snort "Never mind Carlisle, I found out what the problem was." And when he was close enough to touch the mirrors he raised his hands above his head and started swaying his hips to some music that only he could hear.

Sometime later Alice joined him in dancing. Her laughing just as well.

He didn't know what was so funny. But he just couldn't stop laughing.

At some point in time in their dancing, they were now grounding into each other. Both of them staring into the mirror. He could see as sweat started making it way on his skin, as it traveled a slow path down his body. As it somehow brought out the fact that he still had his abs.

It at least had to be an hour before they stopped their dancing. Jacobs own body was heavily panting and slick with a thin layer of sweat.

"I so need a pair of heels." His voice broke the silence. Alice gave a short laugh.

"Oh god as soon as I get home I am so jumping Jasper... Um. So what type of heels? Ooh. I think I know the ones your talking about." A large smile spread over her face. "You finish trying on the rest of them and I'll go find you a pair OK?" And then a large smile was on his face as well.

In fact, he was sure he ran to the dressing room.

* * *

By the time they made it back to the Cullen house the sun was already starting to make it's way into the sky. But still the smile was still on both of their faces.

And as Alice said she would, she jumped Jasper. Which sent the boy tumbling to the floor. Only to grabbed up by Alice and quickly led up the stairs to where Jacob could only assume was their room.

"...Jacob how do you feel?" Carlisle placed a hand on his shoulder looking concerned.

Jacob beamed back at him "I'm great!" Everyone clearly didn't believe him "In fact! Tomorrow me and Alice are going for a wax!" Now everyone was just frowning at him. "She's also going to show me how to apply makeup as well! I can't wait!" And as a new habit, he started bouncing in place again.

"I think you should... go to sleep now. Maybe lay off the coffee for awhile too." With that Carlisle withdrew his hand.

"Edward, I hope you know, I still hate you." He met Edwards eyes dead on "But you're going to dance with me!" He was probably drugged up or something. That smile still didn't leave his face even as he grabbed Edwards hands, or even as he invited everyone to join in dancing as well. The only other who did join in was Emmet, and when Alice came back, she joined.

"Alice" He heard Edward hiss, almost like Alice had did earlier on the phone with Edward. "What did you give him?"

And which she gave a huge smile to "Heels." And Jacob couldn't stop shaking his enthusiastically at that.

* * *

**A/N- Yea. Now this chapter made me laugh. In fact the whole time I was writing it I was laughing. I got so lightheaded... Anyways, sorry that Jacob was OOC, I just could see a guy being all "Omg! No! I have a _vagina_!" But then as soon as they look into a mirror... "Holly fucking shit! I'm _hot_!**"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Damn... these wont stop popping into my head. At least someone out there is getting a laugh, huh? Also, had to change the rating for all the language...  
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**Disclaimer- Do not own. **

* * *

One thing Jacob noticed about being a women was... That he was always suspicious of everyone. He could just feel his eyes shifting around the building now. Trying to find anyone that was looking at him.

That might just have been because he had been hit on about 4 times, Collected about 7 numbers and had his ass slapped once already.

He never realized how stupid guys were either. Every time he would connect eyes with someone, mostly guys, they would think he was checking them out. And then they'd make they way over to him. Try talking to him... Touching him...

At the moment he had taken to staring at the floor as he walked. Which also much have been another sign to guys "Hey! Talk to me!!! I have a vagina!!!" Because he could see another pair of shoes step in front of him.

This was just annoying. Wasn't there like a international sign or look he could use that says "Leave me alone!" without actually having to say it?? Looking up he met the eyes of Edward.

"Oh it's you. And here I was thinking it was another guy..." Shaking his head, Jacob took a step around him and kept walking.

After him and Alice got home, the Cullen's deemed it safe to never let Jacob be alone with Alice again. So here he was, walking alone, well... with Edward now. To a place he was supposed to have his "Lady parts" waxed. Which for some reason he was so excited about yesterday. Now he just didn't know why he even agreed to it.

Oh yea. He had been staring at a mirror.

Why did he even need to... get waxed there?? It's not like anyone besides him was going to see it! Or there! Whatever women refer that part of their body!

Goddamit! Another pair of shoes! What would he have to do? Punch someone?? Cause he would do it! And it's not like he could just keep walking... then he would walk into whoever, more and likely trip on said persons foot, and end up clenching on to someones shirt. Or he would end up on his ass. Either way, it would end up with a lot of unwanted touching.

Softly sighing he stopped walking and looked up. Soft brown eyes met his. "You're very beautiful, you shouldn't look so glum. I bet I could make you smile." Yea, this guy could make Jacob smile, but that sadly, on the guys part, required Jacob kicking him in the nuts.

He heard Edward give out a small snort behind him. "Thank you, but if you don't mind, your shoes are in the way of me counting the tiles, I must be off." And when Jacob tried bypassing, hands on his shoulder stopped him.

The guy was still smiling "Please reconsider," he leaned in even closer "I can make you a very happy women." _**Oh**_, now Jacob was pissed.

"Really I must refuse," giving the guy his best pout, he turned his voice to his 'male' voice "I still need to get my penis removed before I become a full women, and which you are making me late to that appointment, but I can give you my number, and we could hook up later." And the guys hands were instantly removed and the guy was pretty much running to get away.

That felt better then kicking him in the nuts! In fact, he was smiling again, his head was held high. And he was pretty much strutting all the way... Oh damn. To him doom! Retreat!!! He didn't want to get waxed! At least of all there!!!

"Edward you go on ahead... Tell Alice... that I can't go on..." Said man was looking at him in disbelief.

"I got all the way dragged here, taken from a date with Bella, just so you could retreat?" With that Edwards hands were on his shoulders and were pushing him to his doom. Jacob had a feeling the answer Edward wasn't looking for was a 'Yes'.

"Nnooo! I don't want to!" Even as he said that, his feet were moving on his own. Curses were leaving his mouth by the seconds.

It didn't take long before the "Best Better Wax" sign came into view. And soon, he was actually pushed into the store where a hyper Alice was already waiting for him.

"Ah! You guys finally made it! I was worried. But your just on time." Alice quickly gave them both a small hug.

An older lady came out from the back. "Ah, finally here? Please come with me." It was a chicken move... but it was all he had.

"My... Uh... Boyfriend also agreed to get a wax, if you don't mind." Alice's eyes lite up in delight while Edward... Edwards look of horror was just too funny. The women didn't seem to notice though.

"Yes yes, it's OK. Now please both of you follow me."

"What! No I-" But Edward was soon cut off by Alice.

"It's OK, you did make a promise, and I swear it doesn't hurt for long." And Edward was being pushed along with him. They both were seated in the same room, only on different beds.

"Take off your pants please. I'll be right back." And well, now that Jacob had something to look forward to, that smile was back on his face.

His pants were easily removed, same with his underwear. Taking a quick look at Edward, Jacob found that he was sitting on the bed, eyes closed and yet still had a look of horror on his face.

"Feeling shy?" Edwards eyes snapped over to him, looked down, then snapped to the floor.

"I did not agree to this."

Jacob snorted "I never though you'd chicken out on something before I did." A deep frown pulled at Edwards lips, and hesitantly he started to remove his pants. Which Jacob looked away for.

A while later, Jacob found himself laying on the bed while still waiting for the women to return. Edward seemed to be doing the same thing.

It didn't take long before she returned with an assistant. They both stood over him. Which truthfully, filled him with gloom. He was hoping they were going to go for Edward first, and while they were distracted, he could make a run for it.

"Take a deep breath." He did so. The wax, or what he assumed was the wax, was placed on with a Popsicle stick. Then paper was quickly placed on it, then- "Count to 5 please." And his heart was beating so loud.

"1... 2... 3... 4... Ow..." It hurt like fuck but he found himself laughing. he didn't know why.

"Didn't hurt much did it?" Truthfully, no. It was more like a quick shock then nothing but a slight numbing. "There is a bathroom through that door for you to wash the rest of the wax off with." Quickly he picked up his clothes, covering himself and made his way to the door before he paused.

"Please wax his balls as well." Before he closed the door behind him.

When Jacob came out of the bathroom, the ladies were already gone, and Edward was sitting on the glaring sourly at the floor. Alice soon came into the room. A huge smile on her face.

"Didn't hurt long did it?"

"Only when I move..." Jacob answered. Both of them turned to Edward who was still looking at the floor. "Oh, it wasn't that bad." Edwards eyes once again snapped to his.

A hiss seemed to slip past Edwards lips "Speak for yourself. I just had my balls waxed thanks to you!" And Jacob couldn't think of a better way to start the day.

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**A/N- I can't believe I wrote that!!! -Blushes- I don't know if that's actually how... Getting waxed feels like... So. Don't truth me. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- I lost inspiration! D= This ****chapter just seemed have lost it's luster. ****=/ So I probably won't update for the next few days. =[ Sorry.**

**Disclaimer- Do not own.**

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Apparently telling Edward that he was a man and to just suck it up, wasn't a smart idea. Edward had then got off the bed and completely disregarded Carlisle's words and left Alice and him alone. Which was totally worth it to see Edward limp out the door.

It was only when Edward was out of earshot that he finally asked the question on his mind. "I thought you had to reserve a spot to get a wax?" Alice just gave him a bright smile and a small giggle.

Apparently they weren't far away for Edwards hearing because he once again limped into the room. "You planned this the whole time?? And then Jacob was joining Alice in her laughing. So that's why she had been so excited.

"That is so awesome." Alice nodded in agreement. By now Jacob was hunched over grasping onto his knees for support. "You knew this whole time (1) that Edward wouldn't be able to back down from a challenge!"

"Yea, but it wouldn't have worked had you not challenged him! Ooh! And great thinking about getting his balls waxed!" By now Edward was just watching them with a glare as Alice was grasping on his arm for support.

And once again the older lady came into the room. "You can leave now..." She gave them all an odd look, before once again leaving.

Slowly the three of them walked, well, two of them walked, one limped, out the door.

"You ready to try on makeup?" He slightly tensed, but nodded all the same. He knew that makeup did wonders to women. And just with how many guys were hitting on him, even if he was in an over sized shirt and pants that were barely holding on with a belt... Then how would they be when he was actually dressed up?

Edward snorted at him. And Jacob snorted back as he replayed the sound of Edwards curses, when he was getting waxed. Even while Jacob had been in the bathroom, Edwards voice seemed to echo into the bathroom. Talking about bathroom ....

"They gave me a landing strip." Jacob informed Alice. Alice's eyes widened before a small laugh left her mouth.

"I'm surprised you know the name of it! But yea, I thought it would look nice on you."

He nodded "It looks amazing. I couldn't stop staring..." By now Edward was completely frozen. The same look of disbelief was on his face "After this, can we go back to Victoria Secrets? I wanted to try on a pink one this time." Yesterday, they pretty much broke into the mall. So all he had been able to do was try on stuff. So, going back there would hold another service too. He just had to avoid looking at mirrors while in there.

Both him and Alice left Edward standing in the middle of the building. "I was actually thinking of some yellow if they have some." And Jacob had to ponder about it.

"That sounds like it would would look rather nice." Alice turned to him and gave a bright smile.

Apparently Alice was more intimidating then Edward. For the whole time Jacob had been walking, not even one guy had made a move to walk ever and talk to them. While on the other hand when Jacob had been walking with Edward, or Edward fallowing him, whatever, still a guy had just marched right up and started talking to him.

Or maybe it was just the fact that two beautiful women were talking very loudly about buying lingerie was more intimating. Or maybe just two walking together was... Jacob wasn't really sure about that. He himself never had a problem just marching right up to people.

Soon the store "Beastly Beauty" in sight and Jacob found himself bouncing in place again. Alice jumping with him. Jacob did notice as a bunch of guys just suddenly seem to trip all at once. Which was a real confidence booster!

Sharing another wide grin with Alice, Jacob turned around. "Edward! Yo! You coming?" without waiting for an answer Jacob marched right into the store. Everything seemed to be bright and pink. In fact he had to close his eyes and blink a couple of times just for his eyes to adjust.

Alice slightly pushed on his back. Where he was yet again walking to his doom.

Soon a bunch of women were surrounding him. Poking and probing him, lifting and turning his face, even spinning him in place.

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"Ow..." Jacob moaned in pain as he yet again poked his eye with the pencil. Why do women do this to themselves? His eyes were watering, his eyelids were heavy with eye shadow. His lips felt slimy. And his face was covered in so much concealer that he could feel it.

His lashes had been fluffed and styled, which Jacob wasn't sure what that meant, they might have been talking about his hair though...It was hard to understand three people talking at once. His hair had been removed of any dead ends and also been layered and styled. His nails had been painted in a clear polish. Yet again, what was the point if he was going to be the only one to see it??

Glitter had been placed all over his body... And... He felt very weird. All these women were touching him...

He didn't really see why they had to do all that. In fact, he didn't really look any different besides his lips being shiny. What was the point of adding all that on him, if he was going to be the only to see it??

It didn't make him feel sexy, it made him feel like if he smiled too much that his face was going crack and splinter.

Yet again, that had been before he had actually took a real look at himself.

The eyeshadow was a light pink on the lids, then it changed into a yellow the closer it got his brow. His lips were indeed shiny, but there was also a light pink tint to it, which made them look fuller. His long hair, was still long but about an inch shorter, and just seemed to sway.

Oh god... And he was the only one who got to see this person naked...

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**A/N- ****1- Anyone noticed the repeated sentences? ( I swear it doesn't hurt for long) & (This whole time) =D Sorry just wanted to point it out. Thanks for reading. **

**_P.S-Knowing me, I'll procrastinate on not updating... So there might be a chapter up tomorrow..._  
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	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- About Jacob turning back into a male. It will happen... just not sure when or how. I have nothing really planned for this story. So if anyone has an idea for me, thank you. **

**Disclaimer- Do not own.**

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Since Edward had refused to step one foot into "Beastly Beauty" Alice had to stay outside as well. Since it was agreed and promised to Carlisle that Edward would not leave them alone, Alice had no choice but stay outside as well.

Thought, Jacob had a feeling that Edward wouldn't go in was because Jacob had let him mind wondered that Edward would look like bald, his eyebrows drawn on and bunch of makeup on his face, that Edward refused to enter.

But then again, it was just a feeling. It might have been because Eward had a reputation and couldn't been seen in a store that was painted a bright pink. So Jacob took his time leaving the store.

Actually, that was a lie. After they were done with him, he paid them and quickly left out the backdoor. As fun it was to hangout with two vampires he needed an escape. Their smell seemed to burn inside his nose. At least _they _had the option of not breathing.

Well, that had been his plan, but he forgot that Edward could read his mind. And Jacob literary almost ran into both of them.

No one said anything till Alice gave out a soft gasp,"Oh! You look so beautiful!"And Jacob smiled back at her, even did a small bow.

"Thank you, thank you." Then Alice linked arms with him and started dragging him to Victoria Secrets. Which when he found out where they were going, it was him dragging her.

Edward was still left to drag himself. He didn't seem to be doing a good job with that limp of his.

Alice made a small coughing noise in her throat. Quickly looking up, Jacob met with another pair of eyes watching him. And here he was hoping that his theory about Alice was right.

"Excuses me..." The man then lifted up Jacobs hand that wasn't being possessed by Alice, gave it a light kiss and did the same thing to Alice. "I would like to make you both an offer-" It was then that Jacob felt Edwards arm drop down around him and Alice's shoulders, that Edward almost looked drunk and using them for support.

They both seemed to have a stare off then. And the man soon gave a short nod and backed off. And Jacob took that time grabbing Edwards arms as well and started dragging them both to Victoria Secrets.

Edward made a sound of protest in his throat, but didn't make a move to try and get out of Jacob hold.

Alice's voice pipped up, "So Edward, what was the guy thinking about that made you so defensive?"

Edward sighed "He was going to make both of you an offer of making a porno with him." And Jacob tripped over his foot with that. Which both vampires tightened their hold on his hands to stop him from falling on his face. Which Jacob was grateful for.

Lucky nothing else was said as Jacob made an effort to dragging both vampires with him. They were almost like dead weight! And then Jacob gave out a soft laugh, he hadn't realized that he had made a joke. Edward even gave a soft laugh as well.

A soon as they got to Victoria Secrets, Jacob grabbed the first bra that he was in his size and quickly marched his his to the changing room. Leaving both Alice and Edward alone with Alice's promise that she would bring him more to try on.

His clothes were gone instantly, and soon all he was in was a bra and his boxers which were hanging dangerously low on his hips. And he could stop smiling again. He even gave a small twirl. Even started humming low in his throat.

He knew he should probably be devastated that he was no longer a male, and that he was only this way to rebuild his pack... He just didn't care as he looked at the women in the mirror.

He hated that all these men tried hitting on him, even even hated that Edward was about 8 inches taller then him now. But all he had to do was look at his new body. And realize that he was the only one who got to see it, got to touch it... got to see it naked and got to wash it. That all the other things just seemed to go '**_poof_**!'

"Here!" And a pink bra and black heels were over and in his changing room. Another smile spread on his face. Oh yea. He was going to have some fun!

After putting them both on, Jacob decided that he was cursed.

There had to be an art to wearing heels. At the moment Jacob was sitting on his ass with the pair of heels on the bra on... And he couldn't walk. He had been so native to believe all he would have to put them on and he would be able to walk. He was so wrong. He had fallen on his ass about 4 times now. And he was in a tiny changing room! It wasn't like he walking very far. And yet he always ended up falling flat on his ass.

He almost cried as well. It was just depressing.

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**A/N- Sorry for being so short. =/ Just couldn't think of something to write.**

**I'm probably going to be spending most of my time writing _'I might break'_ =]**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer- Me still no own. **

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By the time Jacob finally learned how to walk in heels, well, learned how to keep standing in heels without falling. Edward was surrounded by a bunch of women, all of whom were trying to touch him in someway. Alice herself was browsing around for something to surprise Jasper. And as she held up a man thong, he realized, that Jasper was probably going to get a surprise. And not the good type either.

Edward as if realizing that Jacob was out of the changing room, connected eyes. And Jacob almost laughed as Edwards eyes were pleading with him to help. So who was he to disagree?

In a slow walk he swayed his hips till he was almost in front of Edward, then he breezed right past all the other women, and pushed the latest bra he was holding into Edwards hands. Even pouted and lightly bit his lip "I'm not sure it this color would go nicely with my skin tone..." All the women now seemed to freeze as they watched. "You did promise me... that you would help me try them on... But I waited in there for you... And you never showed up." He bowed his head in false embarrassment.

And Jacob was trying so hard not to laugh as all the women seemed to back away. It was even funnier when Edward actually seemed to trip in place. Without letting Edward talk, he continued "What do you think of this bra?"

The bra it's self was a light tan color and had very thin straps that dug into his shoulders.

Edward as if catching on, lifted the bra up and held up up to Jacobs chest. "Hmm... You're right this color wouldn't look all that good on you... But you should get it, just so I'd have a reason to take it off of you." And that had to be the lamest pickup line ever.

Jacob hummed back "You think so?" And his voice actually wavered as he held in his had to have been the weirdest thing to Edwards mouth. Ever. But then again Edward thought stalking you in your sleep was romantic.

Then everything got even funnier when Alice came back up now holding a dark gray man thong and held it up to Edwards face."I think you should get it. It'd look really nice on you." Even wiggling it in front of Edwards face.

_'Pretty lucky you got waxed today huh?'_

And Edwards glare was totally worth it. One of Edwards fans walked up right then. Blushing and stuttering all the way. "I-I think You'd l-look nice in it." And then she scampered off. All the others took her lead and scampered off as well.

Gosh, Jacobs eyes were watering with how hard he was trying to hold his laughter in. In fact, his whole body seemed to be shaking. But then again so was Alice's. He wasn't sure who started laughing first. But they both ended up hunched over grasping their knees as they both tried hard to stop laughing. And Edward was still holding the bra in his arms!

It was then that Jacob noticed that his phone was ringing. With out even thinking he picked up "H-hello?" he gasped trying to catch his breath.

there was a pause "... Can I speak to Jacob...?" Paul's voice sounded. Jacob mouthed out a soft 'oh fuck'

"Er... Me no speak Englass."

Another long pause "Jacob is that you? Quit fucking around man. Where have you been these last few days? Sam won't tell us anything! What the hell happened to you?" By now Alice's laughing had also died of the vampires were looking at him.

Giving out a soft cough "Uh hey Paul," it felt so weird talking as a guy again "Yea it's me. Can you give the phone to Leah real quick?" '_Oh please work...'_

There was another pause before Paul's voice could be heard screaming out a 'Leah phone!' in the background. Seconds later her voice came on the phone.

"What??"

Jacob gave a quick look to the Cullen's "I never told you this Leah, but Paul stole some of your panties, and they are stashed under his bed, not only him, but some of the others as well." then quickly pulled the phone away from his ears as Leah's voice screamed. Even over the phone it was so loud that Jacob actually ended up tripping in surprise.

Then there was a dial tone.

He blinked in surprise "It worked" then laughed out a louder "It worked!"

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**A/N- Guh...Rather bland, ya?  
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	8. Edward's the Pro

**Disclaimer- I do not own.**

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**Sooo.... Maybe making a deal that if Edward would wear the man thong that Jacob himself would wear a thong as well, was a bad idea. definitely when said man agrees to it. Even worse when said man _obviously _also has experience wearing thongs when Jacob himself doesn't.

Which was why Jacob was now leaving the mall with two very happy, smiling vampires as he tried very hard to not pick the wedgie from his ass.

It wasn't working so far.

After the phone call Alice had deemed it her job to make him smile again, and had brought Edward a very nice, _small_, pink man thong.

Of course seeing Edwards horrified look Jacob was in a better mood. And it must had been all the laughing and lack of air in his brain that made him thinking making a deal such as that was a good idea.

Also, if that wasn't bad enough, Edward was to pick out one for Jacob, and Jacob was supposed to pick one out for Edward as well. And Jacob, recently having been a guy, took pity on Edward and picked one that wouldn't be '_restricting_' anywhere.

While Edward had picked out a blood red G string (Which the 'String' was about an inch thick) which seemed to ride up _everywhere_.

Now not only was Jacob wearing heels, but now he had a one inch piece of string riding up his ass!

And it got even worse, since Jacob still couldn't really walk in the heels without tripping over his own feet. So here he was now currently holding onto Edward for dear life. And every time he moved he was reminded of the thong.

He would have been holding onto Alice, but with the heels on, he was much taller then her and looked like Alice was grabbing his ass, while his own arms were wrapped around her shoulders. Yea. Didn't look good at all. Not that holding onto Edward was better.

And since Jacob hadn't actually been wearing shoes when he showed up into the mall he had been forced to wear the heels because of the stupid **"No shirt, no shoes, no service."** sign and as much as he hated it. Jacob really needed the bras. (He didn't care much for the underwear) **(1)**

Which luckily the Cullen's took pity on him and bought all the stuff for him.

He didn't even know why thongs were invented. They must have been some failure sling shot design or something...

"I hate you." Jacob declared. Only to have Edwards response to be letting go of Jacob. "I didn't think it was possible but I now hate you slightly more." Jacob declared again as his face was pressed heavily into Edwards chest, while his hands were grasping tightly onto said mans shirt.

With his face pressed so close to the Cullen, Jacob was actually able to get a clear smell of Edward. And when he did. He flipped out. He really did. And the reason now Jacob was holding tightly onto Edwards shirt was because he was laughing so hard to support himself.

The laughing wasn't stopping as the smell kept assaulting his nose.

_'Omg, he smells like roses! And I though him sparkling was gay!' _It was safe to say that he then ended up being great friends with the floor.

Lesson's learned? Never make a deal with a vampire, they probably could do it better then you. And never insult their florescent smell while your using them for support.

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A**/N- Anyone forget that he wasn't wearing shoes in the first chapter? =D**


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N- I think I'm writing too much. T_T  
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**Disclaimer- I do not own.**

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**Ooh. It was on! He was so going to beat the heels into submission!** (1)** He didn't care how long it took! Or how many people had to die! He was going to win this war! All he had to do was just let go of Edward... and start walking. It wasn't as easy as it sounded.

It felt like he was trying to walk on toothpicks for support. And it didn't help that his hips kept swaying. It was hard enough to balance as is! He didn't need his own hips betraying him! But they were!

At first they had been leaving, but as soon as the Cullen's had heard his stomach growl, the cafeteria became their new destination. Which happened to be on the other side of the mall.

It was torture, it really was. If he stated walking too fast, the heels would start chafing his feet. And even walking was hard to do when he had a thick piece of cloth riding up on him in places he _didn't_ want it to be. He was also then being held up with the 'Best smelling' vampire alive.

It really smelt like a whole bottle of perfume had been dumped onto Edward and just soaked deep into his bones. But unlike perfume, that smell would never disappear. Ever. And Jacob was stuck holding onto that.

What seemed like hours was probably only minutes. But they had finally made it to the food court.

The place was crowded. But it normally was.

Detaching himself from Edward he quickly took off the heels, handed them to Alice and marched his way to get some food.

After awhile, he rubbed his side as it seemed to have got numb from the cold that was Edward. He was a little surprised that his shirt wasn't wet. Edward was just that cold. And with Jacobs own, over heated body, he had been sure the Cullen would have melted. Well, it was more like hoping.

Maybe the blond witch, Rosalie would melt in the rain... It was still just hopeful wishing.

But then again, he could slightly feel her pain. Jacob would probably be a bitch too, if after living for that long and still having a bunch of guys hitting on him and flirting with him. Not... that when he turned back into a guy that other guys would hit on him...

After some quick thinking, he decided pizza was the best way to go.

"2 slices of cheese pizza please." He gave a quick smile at the cashier. Which was returned with a "5.17, please" Jacob was half tempted to see if he had any women 'skills' and could get the pizza for free. But his pride wouldn't let him. It was already wounded by the heels and the thong from hell. No need to wound it more by actually flirting with a guy.

With the pizza in his hands he made his way back the Cullen's, who were seating almost out of sight from everyone. Quickly taking a seat he listened to Alice talk about all the things she planned to buy everyone for Christmas.

When the urge to use the bathroom became too much, he put his slice of pizza down and excused himself from the table. And he was actually able to walk to the bathroom without support. He had took off the heels, and since his pants were too large for him, they covered his feet as well. That might have also been a reason why it had been so hard to walk in them...

Without putting much thought into it he opened the bathroom door and walked to one of the urinals. It was only when he pulled down his zipper and reached for something that wasn't there that he panicked.

The old man using the urinal next to him was giving him weird looks. Which he returned to the old man. After a short stare off Jacob quickly zipping up his pants and he quickly retreated. Only to run into a chest as he opened the door to leave. Looking up he met those same soft brown eyes from before. The mans eyes flashed from Jacob, to the urinal, to the sign on the door then back to Jacob again. Then they guy even pused his chest into Jacobs own.

There was a long pause before the man finally stepped out of the way. Luckily no words were spoken. Jacob was pretty sure, if his mouth had opened, it would have been because he was screaming. Quickly marching from the bathroom, he went into the right one this time.

His face a bright red as he did so. Even more so, when other women were in the bathroom as well.

By the time he finally made his way back to the table, both Alice and Edward were looking at him with knowing looks. Which he flipped them off for and started shoving the pizza into his mouth so he wouldn't have to talk.

It didn't stop him from choking as Alice brought it up.

"So~ I saw you walk into the bathroom... The men's room. You even walked into that handsome strangers arms~ It was so romantic." At this point Edward and Alice were both laughing.

"It gets worse..." Jacob looked at the table then "I met that same guy this morning. And he tried picking me up. I turned him down because _I had an appointment to get my penis removed'..._" This only made them both start laughing harder.

Jacob just poked at his pizza in silence.

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**A/N- I noticed most of the reviews I get are just pleas for me to update. T_T This story has only been out since like... The 18th? Already it's this far along.**

**P.S**! I'm at like **50,000** words now!** (**_Well, like 52,000_**)** Thanks everyone for their support. **=]**

**1- I kept writing "hells" instead of "heels" T_T  
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	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter was inspired by Strokin'... (... Sung by Clarance Carter ... Perverts)**

**Disclaimer- Still do not own...  
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If it was one thing that Jacob knew girls were perverts.

After Alice and the other had come home, he had been informed Bella was going to be hosting a sleep over at her house. And that he was invited. Of course he accepted! He'd get to see her bedroom. Even get to sleep in her room! What was there to think about?

He never knew that girls were just as bad, if not worse then guys! While guys would be like "I got laid" and the others would be "Any good?" That was about it. But for women... they went into detail.

All of them, him Alice, Bella, Angela and Jessica, were in a small... very small room. All of them were fitted on Bella's bed as well. There was pizza, soda and chips all around the room. There was a romance playing on Bella's laptop as well.

"So Jay" Jacobs, new name "How long have you lived here?" The question came from Angela.

He actually had to pause to think about it "I've lived here my whole life, I live in La Push." Jessica, who was next to him made a noise in her throat.

"Is it... you know... true what they say about the Rez boys?" Jacob just tilted his head to the side in confusion. There was rumors going on about them? Shit. If Sam found out... "That you know... " With that she licked her lips and raised her brows.

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean." That seemed to get the others to laugh.

Even Bella seemed to know what they were talking about "That you know... that they are all well endowed." Jacobs heart stopped beating for a second. He was sure his face was flushed as well.

Clearing his throat "It depends... how ... you look at it." God. Now everyone was hanging onto his ever word "How... normal is a size for guys outside of the rez?" There. He did it. He skipped the question.

Angela made a soft humming noise in her throat. "About 5 inches. I guess." to which Alice laughed at.

"On average sure, but I've seen a lot of big ones too." And everyone seemed to be detoured from that question. Well... Besides Jessica.

"So... Have you seen any of them naked? Is the rumor true?" Taking a deep breath he stared at his lap and gave a slow nod. He had seen a lot of the other guys naked. Hell, most of them have seen him naked as well.

Alice perked up "How big, big?"

_'If there is a god out there... Kill me. Strike me down where I lay.'_

Luckily Bella saved him from having to answer "Alice, that's not something you should be asking!" Too bad it didn't last long.

"Soooo.... How big?" Everyone besides Bella seemed to inch closer to him.

Tightly closing his eyes "I uh... Couldn't give you a real answer... I've never actually seen them aroused before." Which he could hear Alice snort at "But... I guess... on average... between 7 to 8 inches...." Oh god...

Everyone of them stared at him with shock. Jessica grabbed a pillow "I told you that you should go for Jacob! But nooo." and repeatedly hit Bella over the head with it.

Everyone joined into the pillow fight besides him. He quickly left the room, taking his phone with him. Where he then proceed to lock himself in the bathroom.

He dialed Seth, who quickly picked up. "Hello?"

"Hey Seth..." Jacob used his male voice "I was just told about a rumor going on about the Rez boys... I think you should hear it..."

Seth's breath hitched "W-What's this rumor? They haven't found out have they??"

"Well... not about that. Apparently, some of us were seen running around naked and the rumor that all the Rez boys are well "endowed" came into play instead. In fact, I just got bullied into confirming the rumor..." There was a long pause before Seth burst out laughing. And in the background he could hear Sam growl at him for making too much noise.

"Hey everyone!" Seth yelled into the background "Jacob just told me something funny! I think you all should hear about it! Apparently there is a rumor going around Forks that La Push guys are all well endowed." To which Jacob could hear a blurred out 'We are' in response.

"Jay... Jay are you OK?" Angela's voice asked out. Still on the phone he could hear Seth's sound of confusion.

"Oh shit Seth, they found me. I got to go!" And then he quickly hung up. "I'm fine. Just.... Fixing my makeup." He quickly opened the door. "Fine see?" and they both walked back to Bella's room.

"Yea! Jay knows about everything that gets a man aroused! So ask her." And yet again Jacobs heart stopped beating. Angela didn't seem to notice that as she opened the door. He should have known that the reason why Alice wanted him here was to ask questions and embarrass him.

Everyone perked up as he walked into the room behind Angela. Where he quickly took a seat on the bed. "So~ Jay, I hear your good with men."

And here the questions started. "I guess you could say that."

"Well... for awhile now I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now, and yet he still won't touch me. I mean we kiss and all... But nothing else. I don't know what else to do..." Jacob took a big sigh and started playing "Dear Sally" **(1)**

"Well..." He looked at Jessica "Do you know if he has done anything like that before? He just might feel shy... Or not sure if you're ready. Not all men are sex crazed, so he might be waiting for you to make the first move..." He paused again "Or... Well... Like women men are shy about there bodies. He might fear he might not... be big enough for you." Everyone's eyes were now on him. Jessica even hugged him.

"Omg! I never thought of that before! Do you know if there is any way that I could reassure him?" Another sigh.

"I guess just don't talk about past boyfriends, don't talk about babies, and do not talk about having sex. If your guy is shy and you start talking about sex... he would feel pressured..." The next question came from Bella.

"But what if he still refuses to do anything?" A question about Edward huh? So they haven't had sex...

"Well... He might be afraid to hurt you if he knows your a virgin..." And he could hear the bed as it slammed into the wall when Alice and Jasper were having sex, that's probably why Edward was waiting till he turned her into a vampire or... "Or he could be gay." There we go. Which Bella just shot him a look at.

Everyone was leaning in closer to him again. "My guy... he doesn't get off when I try jerking him off... Am I doing something wrong?" Uh. His mind just went blank.

"Well... What are you doing? Could... you show me?" Oh god... Angela nodded again.

"There is some Banana's down stairs in the fridge, I'll go get you one." Bella shot a smile to everyone in the room. And quickly made her way down stairs. Jacob could tell that Alice was beaming at him. He just shot her a look and gave a low growl. Luckily no one else could hear it.

Soon Bella came back up with said fruit held in her hands. why she needed two hands to hold it, he had no idea... Angela quickly took a hold of it, her grip was light almost if she held it any tighter she'd squash the fruit.

"First off... Hold it tighter." Angela did as so, only a little tighter. Another sigh "Come here" And when she was across from him, he wrapped a hand around hers and tightened his grip, making Angela's do the same. "First off there should be a lubricate used..." All he had to do was just stop thinking... "And... always keep your grip firm." Then he started moving their hands in a slow up and down motion.

Soon his fists were squeezing, rubbings and fondling the banana. He could smell the arousal in the room. And that made him start stroking the banana faster.

"You should also tease the... Head and the slit. Another place that feels good is right under the head... You should also fondle ... his balls as well." That just sounded so awkward as it left his mouth. Quickly he released his hands from Angela. Coughing as he did so. "Well there you go."

Angela quickly dropped the fruit to the ground her face a bright red "T-thank you." Which he nodded in return.

"It's a little hot in here isn't it...?" Jessica questioned. Which everyone nodded in return.

Alice cleared her throat "Why don't we watch a movie?" And soon they did on Bella's forgotten computer. And by the time the others were asleep it was close to 3 in the morning. The pizza was forgotten, the soda was gone...

And that poor abused banana was still left on the floor of Bella's room.

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**A/N- Lol.**

**1- Dear Sally... Is like an advice column in news papers? **

**P.s- I like spelling 'Rez', better then 'Res' it just looks cooler.**

**P.S.S- I feel so sad for that banana... Anyone want to name the banana? (Lmfao)  
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	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- Since, I wanted to save Jacob some pride, I'll let you all chose the name. Lmfao. I can't believe so many people actually named the banana! Your choices are-**

_Lefonda._ (From...Napoleon Dynamite?)

_Kelly Anne Michaelson the 3rd_ (Lmfao)

_Mr. Brightz _ (Which is so going to hurt his pride when Jacob realizes he fondled a _male _banana!)

**So vote now. It is... fruit cruelty to deny this banana a name! Stand up and take a chance! Name the banana! **Lmfao. I just thought of naming it _"Titanic"_ because it'd go down on you. **D= **that was such a weird thought!!!

**Disclaimer- I do not own.**

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An hour had passed and yet Jacob still couldn't get some sleep. His body temperature was going sky high. The room seemed to be burning him alive. It didn't help that Alice was on the other end of the bed, using his knees as a sort of pillow. Jacob's own head was rested on Jessica's thigh.

And every time he was almost asleep, Alice would start tickling his toes. And he'd start bouncing his foot in return. Jacob was a little surprised that the others hadn't woken up.

And he knew his last hope for sleep was doomed when Mr. Sparkle Vamp himself decided to show up.

_I never knew that you were that desperate __to peep at a sleep over... shame shame. _Edward didn't say anything in return. Which Jacob was kind of happy for. He really didn't want to explain why there was a one Edward Cullen sitting now on Bella's window seal **(sp??) **Well, actually Edward would have to explain that.

It didn't help that Alice decided it was time to start tickling his feet again. She really had the worst timing ever. But he got the hint, Alice wanted him away. He didn't know why, but hell he was awake now.

Slowly he wiggled himself from the bed. Luckily, he was closer to the edge of the bed so he didn't have to crawl over some halfway naked sleeping women. A pause. Why was he leaving the bed again? Did he _have _to leave?

Really, he couldn't remember... He might have been able too, if he had been able to sleep! Stupid Alice... Shaking his head for a second, he finished his task of leaving the bed. It was actually pretty easy. All he had to do was kick Alice off him and then he was pretty much off. Well as much as he would have liked, no he didn't actually kick her off. (You try kicking someone who was hugging your knees)

In a slow manner, he walked over to Bella's window and opened it. He however didn't suspect that as soon as it was opened that Edward would grab his hand and pull him out the window. Which did happen.

And well, had Edwards hand not covered over his mouth he would have screamed. But since Edward did covered his mouth, he settled on biting Edward instead.

"What the fuck?" Jacob asked as soon as they were on the ground. "First Alice and now you!" Edward didn't say anything, just decided to lay on the ground below Bell's window. It was a little creepy. And yet Bella found it romantic... Jacob was starting to wonder about her...

Taking a hint yet again, he laid next to Edward. "I hadn't realized it was a full moon..." they laid in silence for awhile. Living with the pack and going to school, Jacob knew the significance of a moment of peace. No doubt it was worse for Edward, who not only got to hear voices outside his head, but inside as well.

And Jacob actually hadn't seen the night sky in awhile, he was either always too busy or fast asleep. As a shifter it was hard to find free time. Ever second counted.

And with his recent 'changing' he hadn't actually had time to think. He was always trying to keep himself too busy that he wouldn't have to think about it. Wouldn't have to think about why he changed... Or about his pack dying out. He wouldn't be surprised that if after all this, he actually got kicked off the pack.

Taking a deep breath Jacob cleared his mind and focused on the stars shining above.

It was then that a thought literately tumbled into his head "Why am I outside with you?" Edward's own body turned to him. A slow smile creeped into his face, his hand raised and lightly touched Jacobs cheek. This whole thing seemed... romantic. Edwards smile seemed to widen. Yet no words from Edward were spoken. And then Edward seemed to move his face closer to Jacob's, his eyes closed and...

So Jacob punched him.

Well, he had thought he did. But considering he was still in a bed full of wonderful women... He highly doubted he did. That dream, which it was, was creepy. Jacob never in his life, ever wanted to see Edward like that ever again.

But if Edward did suddenly turn gay, it would be a great help to Jacob trying to get Bella.

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**A/N- Vote now! Or I really will name the banana _Titanic!_**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- Hiya! Listen to "Scotty Doesn't Know" by Lustra. (Hey, this will be my last update for awhile of this story, I plan to edit it and maybe get rid of my writers block.)**

**_ Also~_ The 50th reviewer gets to choose what they want to happen in the next chapter~ **

P.s- There is also a poll on my profile go read and vote, k?**  
**

**DISCLAIMER IS MAD! I do not own.  
**

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If Jacob was to be asked what was his favorite thing about being a girl, he would tell you that he could look in a mirror naked and not feel shamed or embarrassed about looking at a women naked. When asked what he least liked about it, he would say guys.

And if asked why he was holding onto Bella with their chests tightly pressed together, he'd tell you it was his superpower. Before if he had tried that, he would have been hit, if not by Bella herself then by her leech. But now, now he was just having fun.

Here he was in the Cullen house, with the Cullen's all watching him as he hugged the life out of Bella and none of them were getting mad at him, even jealous. Hell, even Alice joined the hug and then he held two women close to his own chest. And yet, Jasper and Edward still weren't getting mad at him. Bella wasn't even mad at him when he slid his hand over her ass.

The sad thing was... He had more of a chance with Bella while himself was also a girl, then he did as him being a guy.

It made him slightly depressed but then again, at least he had a chance to enjoy this now. It was even more fun when Alice started humming a song and started grinding on him again. The song, which he knew knew started singing to, with a few changes. No one else seemed to know what they were doing. Bella even made a run for it and clung into her block of ice.

All of them had just got back from Bella's sleepover. Though, he felt more tired now, then he actually did when he went to sleep.

_"Jasper doesn't know, that Alice and me do it in my truck every Sunday. she tells him shes in church but she doesn't go still shes on her knees, and..."_ Here Alice started singing along with Jacob. Not before sending her husband a wink.

_"Jasper doesn't know, oh. Jasper doesn't know-oh. So don't tell Jasper! Jasper doesn't know, Jasper doesn't know.** SO DON'T TELL JASPER!" **_by now even Esme and Carlisle were down stairs watching them. But Jacob couldn't just stop stop. It was just too funny! _"Fionna says shes out shopping, but shes under me and I'm not stopping."_ He then pulled Alice even closer. By now Emmet was also singing, but instead of joining their dance he stood on the sideline with Rosalie.

It was a little sad that all Jasper was doing was just watching them with that blank face of his.

_"I can't believe he's so trusting, while I'm right behind you thrusting. Alice's got him on the phone, and she's trying not to moan. it's a three way call, and he knows nothing. NOTHING!!!"_

Soon Jacob was joining the sideline as Jasper decided to join in the dancing. It totally freaked him out to have Jasper grinding into him. And like the first time, Alice pounced onto Jasper sending him yet again sending him tumbling to the floor. Yet this time Alice didn't drag him up the stairs. In fact she started ripping his clothes right then and there.

"Oh god!" He hadn't realized he had even screamed "Why is it every time you dance with me you're- you're GUH!" And he ran from the room. Ran from the house as well. He really didn't want to learn sex ed visual by vampire!

It wasn't until he was almost to the border that he realized that he had made a real mistake. He was half tempted to take his chances of walking in on Alice and Jasper at the Cullen house. But before he could, a naked Paul was coming from a bush pulling up his pants as he went. And when Paul was done, they connected eyes. And that was it.

Everything seemed to be swimming around in his head.

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**A/N- Hoped you liked it. I am so tired... Anyways, I found this on my computer, I'm not sure if I wrote it or someone else did, but wanted to share it-**

"Next time use some lub...that hurt..."  
"I used Pam nonstick spray though."  
"It still hurt! And now my ass is shiny!!!"  
"But you can bake cookies when you take a shit!"  
"But I don't want cookies I want you!"  
"Bake my cookies bitch!"

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**Lol. I don't recall writing it, but I don't recall saving it to my computer either. 0_o**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N- **_I found out why I couldn't write. Pretty much like this- I wanted everyone to enjoy this story, so I started asking what everyone wanted to see, and when I got answers, different each time, I tried connecting them all together into one. But to me it's like, my favorite color is pink, then asking everyone what my favorite color **should **be._

_Then, when asked, I know what my favorite color is, but wanting to relate to others... I wouldn't know which color to pick, my favorite or the color the other person chose for me._

_In was a conflict on interest._

_See, I'm a aunt of 13, and because of that I know for a fact, having kids doesn't make one happy. It makes everything worse. That's one of the subjects that gets me. For some reason everyone see's that as soon as you add a kid, that suddenly everyone is going to love each other. But it doesn't work. In this story, Jacob and Edward would still hate each other, but now a kid would be involved._

_Same with imprinting, I hate that how everyone see's "Hey! If I make Jacob imprint on Edward, wa-La! Instant love! Doesn't matter that Edward didn't imprint on Jacob, Edward would still love Jacob back!" To me... It's like getting locked in a room with a guy whose stalked you since the first grade and because that guy loves you, that you **should **love him too. Doesn't matter that he has locks of your hair or that he at night he sleeps under your bed, without you knowing._

_So, please understand OK? I didn't write this story for everyone else. I wrote this story for me, and I'm going to keep going with what I had planned. I'm going to stop trying to make this to everyone's interest. If you like my story, please read on. If not, then get lost. As said, I'm writing this story for me, not you._

_I know some are getting annoyed that nothing close to romance had happened, but I'm sorry. I'm going to take this slow. After all, Jacobs only been a girl... like 5 days? Most.  
_

**Disclaimer- I will never own.**

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Jacob wasn't really sure what had happened. All he knew, was that he had left the Cullen house and saw Paul in the forest. There wasn't much there. Everything was still blurry. He did however remember having Sam yanking him away from Paul. Or maybe it was the other way around...

Apparently, it was him that should stay away from the pack. As he was just being told now, his scent, may effect the pack. But theirs effected him as well. More so then them. Which would have been nice to know sooner.

And from what he was being told, Jacob had been found by the border by Paul, and when Paul had asked if it was really Jacob, Jacob did this "You can call me whatever you want, as long as I can call you lover." stunt. And pretty much started rubbing himself all on Paul. whom, wasn't refusing.

And that's how Sam found them. Jacob had took off his and Paul's shirt and was working on Paul's pants when Sam had finally showed up. But by then, a half hour had passed.

"Pap smear? Why do I need a pap smear?" He didn't even know what that was, but with living with sisters he had heard that word before. And they were not jumping around in joy every time they said it. And for the fact it was his sisters, he could only assume it had something to do with his new body.

Carlisle took a slight breath "You had left the house about an hour before you were brought back, and from what Sam had said before he had left, you were with Paul about a half hour before you had been found. And Paul's not talking, and your have no idea what happened. We can only assume the worst." This wasn't making him feel better.

His voiced hitched in his throat "But I was found with my cloths on! And Paul had been wearing pants!" The only good thing about this whole conversation was that the others had left so he could have some privacy.

Carlisle paused, then let out a long sigh "No, you were found with your hands on Paul's .... pants. You may have been helping him put his pants back on, not helping him take them off. Anyways, you still needed to get checked whether or not this thing with Paul happened." Oh god. Jacob hadn't thought about that. Still wasn't helping him though.

"Is it going to hurt?" Carlisle's lift of his brow, and slight laugh wasn't all that promising, either.

As much as Jacob hated saying it, he didn't want to go alone. Bella, even Alice had offered to go with him, but... He still felt awkward around girls, even if he was one now. Even Carlisle had offered as well, but then again Carlisle had made an offer to be the one to give Jacob a pap smear. And he had to deny that too.

It was all weird, he didn't want Bella or Alice seeing him naked, but yet he didn't want a guy doctor to be the one looking him over either.

So... He settled for Edward. For one, if anything goes bad, he could always throw Edward in the way. It also made Bella feel better knowing that he won't be there alone. And if the doctor was thinking something bad Edward would know, and hopefully get her ass fired. And plus, Edward really wasn't a guy in his mind.

So it made everything better.

Not really. He was going to be laying on a bed, his legs spread wide open with some women checking up on him. And now he was going to have Edward there as well. It wasn't all that fun. It wasn't something he ever wanted to happen.

It made it worst knowing that he was seeking comfort from Edward of all people.

"... So... The doctor will be doing what?"

"First off, you will be made to change into a hospital gown. And, she'd maybe ask you a few questions, you'd then be asked to lay on the bed, your knees up, and your legs to be spread open as well. In some hospital's there is something at the end of the bed that will hold your legs opened." No wonder Carlisle had stuck to being a doctor... He had no sympathy. Could he not see that Jacob was having a panic attack??

Not only was Jacob informed that he might have just lost his virginity to Paul, but he had to have some lady between his legs checking up on that?? And that his legs might have to be strapped to the bed, so even if he wanted to leave, or to close his legs he wouldn't be able to.

It just wasn't his day...

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If Edward was good at one thing, it was distractions. Edward seemed to be so annoying that just for a few seconds Jacob had forgot that what would be happening to him in a few minutes even was able to forget he was in a doctors office.

"Shut up! I- It wasn't me! That banana was at fault! I was forced into telling them!!!" As you can tell... Things at sleep overs apparently are not kept a secrete. He wasn't sure who told Edward about the banana 'incident' but they would die. _Slowly_.

"The _banana _was at fault." Edward mocked back. And like Carlisle did early this morning raised a brow in question.

Luckily, or maybe unluckily, his name was called then. All the fight just seemed to leave him then. It really did. It's like taking a dog to the vets, how they seem to know their doomed to never be the same. That a part of them will forever be missing...

"Jay Black?" Slowly he sat up, "This way please," and the door was being opened. Quickly he gripped Edwards hand and dragged Edward along.

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** A/N- Uh. That's it for now. But I will try to add some... Snogging in the next chapter. -Wink-**


	14. Chapter 14

DISCLAIMER- DO NOT OWN.

Jacob never realized that the funeral song sounds like "Doom doom da doom" until now. In seemed to be replaying over and over inside his head and it wouldn't stop.

Wait a minute… It wasn't inside his head.

"Edward," Keeping his eyes forward he slowly hissed out "If I could get you waxed, and make you wear a thong what makes you think I couldn't get away with killing you? Shut up! And stop singing. If not, I'm sure you'd love having a male doctor gripping your balls and asking 'Please cough' because it can be arranged." And just like that, the silence was back. Which, Jacob wasn't so sure he was fond of either.

It really did feel like doom. It felt good to threaten Edward though.

He didn't know who he pissed off, but he knew that things could get worse from here. There were just so many questions going on inside his head. He was cursed, in more than one way.

3o minutes were a long time to not do anything… The chances were really high that something had happened… Everyone seemed to believe there was. And Paul wasn't talking.

That wasn't like Paul at all. He was the really loud always angry big brother type of guy. Something must have scared, as unlikely as it was, Paul into not talking. Maybe shock?

Everything was just moving so fast…

"Step on the scale please." Which was done slowly. "Good, you are… 5'4 and… you weigh 120. Average. Good."

For a moment he almost asked her to redo that. As a guy he had weighted close to 200 pounds, and here he was being told that in just one day, like a quarter of that is missing. And oh god… the more he thought about it, the more he was starting to wonder 'Where the hell was I when all this happened?'

And! You would think you would wake up if your penis was disappearing. Like hell he would have just kept sleeping! Hell it's like falling asleep only to wake up with one leg missing! It just didn't happen! You would notice something like that!

"Jac- Jay, you… need to calm down." He quickly shot a look at Edward. But continued fallowing the nurse. What else could do? Well… He could have a mental break down. He was already conveniently located in the hospital. It actually sounded like a good idea. Not only could he skip out on getting checked up, he would most likely have to spend a few days locked away in a padded room…

He could really use that…

**A/N- Sorry it's so short! Living without internet. And all this other crap going on. Sorry.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N- =p I'm sure if I do have any guys reading this story, that you wouldn't want to know about this. And frankly I don't want to write about it. And I am just totally eating up all the reviews I get. -Is shamed- But for the people sending me messages asking if I only write for the reviews, No. I don't. **

**I'm not sure if I've said it before, but I don't write for reviews. I may only update stories that get reviews, but that's because I'm not going to waste my time writing things no one likes. **

**And about the long wait, I'm in the process of moving. I don't have internet, and when I do, FF.N is blocked. Sorry for the long wait. **

**DISCLAIMER- Do not own. =p And for that, Taylor Launter is extremely happy. (And not traumatized (Which his family is extremely happy for.) )**

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On normal, girls didn't scare Jacob. But for some reason just this one gi- er… lady, scared him shitless. Now, even though he was stuck in a women's body, he was still a wolf. And wolves shouldn't get scared, let alone from doctors.

Differently not about a lady seeing him naked.

Hell, half the day he was spending just taking on and off clothes. It lost it's effect long ago. People see him naked all the time.

But all it took was one lady to tell him to strip and put on a paper gown that had him almost running for the hills. The only reason he wasn't actually leaving because every time he would make a move to, Edward decided that Jacob _needed a hug_. And by then, Jacob was in hysterics when Edwards scent penetrated his nose. (It also did prove that Edward was indeed gay.)

Which, the doctor thought was cute. Another reason why Jacob hated her.

At least the doctor had left him alone to change. -_hint hint- _But a certain vampire wasn't leaving the room. It wasn't like there was windows that Jacob could actually jump out of to get away. So the _leach _should have been able to leave the room, right? _-hint hint- _

Apparently Edward didn't think he needed to leave. And it wasn't like Jacob was scared of Edward seeing him naked, Edward had already seen him halfway naked at the 'Best Better Wax' place.

But… He didn't want to! And no! He wasn't whining!

"Jacob, the doctor is on her way now, and you're still giving a self monologue. Hurry up, or I will be the one to change you." It didn't really sound threatening. It sounded like Edward was threatening to change a babies diaper. Yea, ohh, _scary vampire_.

"Oof!"

When the doctor did enter the room, Jacob was in his gown, hair all over place, and Edward was missing a shoe. Which Jacob was hugging proudly to his chest. And from the way Edward's eye was twitching, Jacob was glad he couldn't read minds. No doubt from the doctors eyes, something suspicious happened.

"Ah…" The doctor gave a slight cough before looking Jacob in the eye. "I'll need for you to lie down." Which Jacob did slowly, "Have you ever had a mammogram done before?"

"Say what?"

"It's fine. All you need to do it relax for me, and put your left hand behind your head." His mind seemed to blank. It was on automatic now. But he did. Soon the gown was opened in the front and the doctors hands were…. Were….

'_OMG! O-M-G __**OMG **__OM-__**F**__-G!' _The only good thing about it was, that now both of Edwards eyes were twitching. Which he should probably get checked out.

… Had this not been a gynecologist office.

"Right hand behind your head." Which was once again down. All he really had to do was just focus on… was well… Edward. It was rather hard not to notice hands when they were… … off topic.

Edward's right eye seemed to blink, while the left one, just seemed to twitch. Which, was actually stopping. Oh shit. Edwards eyes were on him! And the doctors hands were on his chest!

'_PERVERT!' _Which actually brought the twitch in the right eye back. And luckily Edwards eyes were once again adverted.

"Everything seems fine." She moved over to a stool and sat down. Where she proceeded to write a few things. While she was busy doing that, Jacob quickly brought the paper over his chest again.

He felt violated. And not in the good way either. Not only by the doctor either. How the hell did Edward even manage to remove the bra without Jacob even noticing? It seemed vampires had quite a few unspoken abilities.

"So, Jay, when was your last menstrual?"

"I… uh… have never had one?" It was a question as it left his mouth. But what could he really say to that?

"Do you feel any pain or discomfort?" And Edward was standing in the corner of the room being ignored. He didn't even seem awkward. Also content like…

"No?"

With that last question the doctor stood up again, "I'll need you to move further down the bed, please." Which made him feel like a worm. Since he was laying down and sitting up would only open the gown he wiggled his way down.

The gown, was really made of paper, and if not careful, could easily be ripped. He was only commanded to stop when his ass was halfway hanging off the bed.

And like what Carlisle had said, things on the side of the bed had been brought up for him to rest his legs on. Which he refused to do.

The more he thought about it, he probably could make it out of the office before the doctor even new what happened. And it wasn't like Edward could use his speed here. It sounded like a good plan to him.

Till once again, Edward deemed Jacob needed a hug. Which was awkward, Edward was bending over Jacob sideways, his head rested on Jacobs shoulder and his hands on either side of Jacobs shoulders.

"Aw you guys are so cute. But Jay I need for you to put your feet up for me." And it was once again done. Though his legs were shaking as he did it. "You're going to need to take off your panties." Jacob didn't comment, and Edward didn't move. "Don't worry, I'll do it, just lift up your hips a little for me."

As you can imagine, it was awkward. Edwards shoe was pressing into his side, Edward himself was hovering over him and the doctor was taking off his panties. And well, now his hip was pressing up into Edward, what part of Edward he wasn't sure. (Never wanted to know. Ever.)

After the problem was solved, there was a few moments of silence, then the sound of the doctor putting on gloves. And when the doctor got closer, his whole body tensed.

"What happened to being a big bad wolf?" Edwards voice whispered close to his ear.

And while the doctor was lubing up the glove, Jacob quickly grabbed the shoe and just as quickly smacked Edward upside the head with it. Couldn't Edward see he was having a panic attack?

Edward didn't even make a sound as it happened. The doctor only made a soft mumble that sounded like 'What was that?' or maybe it was 'What an ass' he wasn't sure, and she quickly went on with business.

And with a little touch of the doctors hand, Jacobs whole body surged up, quickly being pressed down by Edward.

"It's fine, keep going. She's just a little scared, yesterday she was out with some friends and she was drugged. They found her a few hours later with some of her cloths missing." The doctor made a quick sound of understanding.

It was still awkward. And the building had a very nice ceiling. Edwards hair was somewhat tickling his nose and … He would rather not talk about it.

But at one point he was actually clinging to Edward. Which Jacob felt ashamed for. Everything was just so awkward. And it finally seemed to be settling in that… He was no longer Jacob. Everything was changed.

And well, he took his frustration out of Edward and Edwards extremely close to Jacobs face, neck.

Above him Edward made a soft sound of pain then a low "Did you just bite me?" Jacob just bit harder "Why are you still biting me?"

'_Duh, what next, are you going to ask me if I did in fact smack you with a shoe?'_

Luckily the test was quickly over. "You have nothing worry about, Jay you are still a virgin." Which the doctor shot a quick look at Edward for.

Edward's neck was quickly released, and Jacob himself was able to finally sit up. And when the doctor left the room, he rushed to his clothes and quickly threw them on. (Still keeping Edwards shoe hostage as well.)

With one last visit from the doctor Jacob pretty much skipped his whole way from the building. Even was able to sit in Edwards car without choking.

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I was thinking of making a story that was totally focused on Twilight Crack pairings. Anyone want to help? =]=]

You can pick up to three numbers (1-20) . Each person will be given a number (Non of the … older people will be added. Or people I don't know.) Now, these stories, will be dedicated to who picked those numbers and any odd object. And I will put my iPod on random. (You don't get to pick the song, sorry. D=)

Lets say someone picked 1 & 2 (You won't know who the characters you picked were.) An object, (Which you also pick) lets say… A banana and the song… "If Everyone Cared" from Nickelback.

I would focus on those things and write a story. Understand, they might not all be romance or even funny. (And rating might vary) But it seems like it would be fun to try. Anyone want to take this challenge with me? ;D (And I don't mean challenge me!)

You can even add your own summery for me to work with.

__

One day 4 was walking on the beach and stumbled over something on the ground. With surprise 4 finds out that a leg was buried under the sand! With quick reflexes they un-dig the person only to find 2, the local florist was taking a snooze in the sand!

Ect. And I'll write it out better (hopefully) and fill in the blanks. And depending on the song…

Beware, I still don't have internet so it might take awhile to post stories.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N- Back again! Woohoo! Hellz yea. I'm happy. Dunno why.**

**Disclaimer- I'm tired of these… I DON'T OWN. **

Upon request they stopped at a local ice cream place. Jacob did indeed deserve it. Not only did he survive Edward touching him… He also survived some lady between his legs as well, and not even in the good way either!

Also Edward deserved it. He had been the only male (Besides Jacob himself ( And not counting little kids)) there. And… he was a very brave man. Even Jacob could tell that all the women were looking at Edward like he was the cure of all their problems. Hell, even some of the ladies even tried talking to him.

Which in the end, was why Edward had even started the fight in the first place. Selfish bastard, and here Jacob was thinking Edward was trying to help him.

"Hey, how did you take off my bra without me noticing?" Jacob asked as they stood in line. Instantly multiple eyes were on both him and Edward. And Edward looked extremely awkward. Even more considering he was still missing a shoe which was held proudly in Jacob's back pocket.

"Do you think this might not be the best of places to talk about that?" Jacob gave a look around. Still everyone's eyes were on them. So he just huffed in turn.

_You better order a banana split _Jacob watched from the side of his eyes as Edward gave a quick nod in turn.

When it was their turn, Edward as demanded by Jacob, got a banana spit while Jacob himself ordered a vanilla cone. Which Edward was kind enough to pay for. Which was more like Jacob walked away when the guy had asked for money.

It was why while Edward was just staring at his, that Jacob noticed that everyone still seemed to be looking at them. Even now in an almost empty ice cream shop they still got attention. Which was just weird. At least no one was trying to talk to him, Jacob didn't practically care if they tried talking to Edward.

After a few licks of his own ice cream Jacob remembered his question from earlier "So, how did you manage to take off my bra?" Edward still kept his eyes on the melting banana split. "Also, what was the doctor think that made your eyes twitch so much?"

It took a few seconds before Edward finally spoke "Moving quickly is just an ability all vampires have. And… the doctor thought we had… sex right before she walked it." Duh even Jacob knew that.

"And after that? What kept your eye twitching?"

Edward started fidgeting in his seat "She… was admiring… your wax… " Jacob gave the motion for 'go on' "She… was… ah… also wishing she had walked in a minute sooner so she could as I quote 'See that sexy ass in action' and that she could have been the one to mess up my hair." in a self conscious manor Edward tugged at his hair.

A small smile light up Jacob's face "Finally noticing you have 'after sex' hair, huh?" Edward gave a weak glare at Jacob and continued to pull at his hair. "And what else? There had to be more then just that."

"She…" he coughed "At first thought what I had told her was a fake story. Then she was wondering why a… model worthy women like yourself was a virgin… And why a 'sexy beast' like me had yet been the one to claim you…" more fidgeting.

It was all amusing to Jacob. Edward seemed extremely embarrassed, yet while they had been there Edward had seemed so strong. That just might have been because he had been holding Jacob down to the bed.

"Yea, what did she think about you holding me down on the bed?" Edward didn't even answer, his face just seemed to pale. Which Jacob was learning meant he was blushing. Jacob almost reached over the table just to grab Edwards cheeks and coo out "Aw! Dis the wittle Vampire embarrassed?" but decided not to.

Instead Jacob just gave a shake of his head before sitting his cone down and picking up the banana split and taking a bite out of that. He gave a small hmm in his throat. It was so different from the plan taste of the vanilla.

It was after he had finished eating the banana split and picked up his own dripping vanilla cone when he noticed that even still everyone seemed to be looking at them. Hold that thought, everyone was looking at him, not Edward. "Why is everyone looking at me? Hell, why are you looking at me?" He asked when he noticed even Edward's eyes were on him.

Edward gave an awkward cough as Jacob slowly brought his tongue to lick up the ice cream that had dripped on his hands. "Jacob… Have you ever watched a women eat an ice cream cone and not think about getting a blow job?" Jacob instantly paused and his tongue made a quick retreat back into his mouth.

In a slow manor on there own Jacob's horror stricken eyes took in all the guys who were watching him eat. His stomach seemed to drop at that. Most of the guys weren't even eating, just watching Jacob.

"Why, no Edward, I have not. But now that you have brought it to my attention…" _lets get the fuck out of here! _The ice cream cone was instantly thrown away and he was once again pulling Edward along with him "Couldn't you have said something before then?" And once again took the shoe and slapped Edward upside the head with it.

And Jacob was somewhat sad when the shoe was no longer in his hands. "…Hey" he pouted as he looked at his empty hands "I was using that…" and the awkward Edward from before was gone.

"Yea, and you were using it to hit me with it." Jacob just huffed and walked back to Edwards waiting car. As he waited for Edward to unlock he thought of another question.

"Why didn't you take off my panties?" And watched in amazement as Edward actually stumbled. Full out stumble. Edward had been trying to put back on his shoe when it happened, but Jacob was proud he was the one who made the Edward Cullen, Super Vamp himself trip.

However his question wasn't answered.

**- …... - … - … - ...**

While in the car Jacob did the most annoying things he could think of. Which was mostly mimicking his sisters. "You know, Edward, Bella always talks about you. She even told me, she liked most about you was your 'toned ass'" Which was a lie, Edward didn't need to know that "Do you think she would like to see it in the thong?"

And little by little Edwards foot was pressing harder on the gas. "Jacob… I don't think my ass is a topic we should be talking about."

"You know, I was at first curious as to why you were so able to walk in a thong. Then I realized you must have worn one before." By now they were going at least 20 miles over the speed. "Did you use to be a stripper?"

Edward made no move to answer.

"No way." He faked a gasped, and quoted one of his sisters favorite thing to say "You are totally gay." And within seconds they went from going 80 miles an hour, to about 5.

It was only Jacob's quick reflexes that stopped his head from making a very painful friendship with the headboard. "Never say that again." it took a few seconds of blinking before his mind finally stopped screaming at him that Jacob actually comprehended what Edward had said.

He gave a weary look at Edward "Fine, only because you bought me ice cream… but you're still going to be known as 'Super Vamp' in my head…" And after a short stare off Edward nodded in agreement. And once again they were driving.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N- _Thanks to my wonderful wife!_**

**DISCLAIMER- NO OWN TWILIGHT!**

* * *

The day had started off normal. Well, as normal as living with a bunch of vampires could be.

Esme had made him a huge breakfast. Pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage even toast. Bella even came over and enjoyed it with him.

It had been a few days since the ice cream 'incident' Edward seemed to be spending most of his time at Bella's, while Jacob was trying not to hit Emmet. Which was an accomplishment for him, on normal he would have tried killing the vampire reason or not.

So, Jacob took the few days alone he had in stride. And when everyone was at school or work, him and Esme actually had some bonding time.

And even though she had given him the 'when a girl becomes a women' speech, he still decided to jump out the window when he had seen he was bleeding. Especially when it was from a place he didn't really want to be either. Just like that, as soon as he had seen the blood his body had reacted on its own. Just something about blood and vampires didn't seem to sit well together.

And that was why he had jumped from the window. Luckily Carlisle was at work, and the others were at school. The only one who had been home was Esme, but he still didn't want to take any chances.

So here he was with his bedroom sheets pressed to his chest and his sleeping pants covered in blood; standing outside the Swan house pounding on the door.

Bad luck? Bella was at school so she wasn't the one who opened the door.

Jacob himself was in panic mode and that freaked Charlie out. "I-I didn't know where else to go! I'm bleeding from places I don't want to be! And I don't know what to do! It won't stop!" And now Charlie was panicking too. Men just weren't made to deal with this stuff.

"Oh shit...just come in. Don't you have a mother or sister that could help you or explain things to you?" Jacob just shook his head no and started pacing inside the Swan's living room.

"That's why I came here! I was hoping that Bella would be able to help me!" Now Charlie was pacing as well.

"There is some things in the bathroom that should be about to help you! I'll just...uh...get you some clothes...you might want to take a shower while you are there." Charlie kept pacing where ever his feet would take him. He seemed to be walking one way, only to suddenly stop before going into a different direction only to stop again.

There was a short pause before Jacob bolted up the stairs. Everything was so awkward! Out of all the things he thought that would happen to him in this form, getting a period just wasn't one of them on his list.

"Oh god! It won't stop bleeding!" He could hear Charlie drop something in the kitchen.

That was unimportant.

Like Charlie had said, there was a box of tampons, and a few pads scattered under the bathroom sink. And he couldn't help but grab his hair in frustration when he realized his underwear was also soaked in blood.

He knew for a fact, from Carlisle's "talk" the first day he had been there that tampons didn't require the girl to be wearing underwear. But he just simply refused to even try thinking of that.

He quickly took his cloths off and quickly started the shower. He was so fucking embarrassed. He had jumped from a window and ran all the way to Bella's only for her to not be home, to then realize he'd probably have to wear not only her clothes, but her underwear as well.

Truthfully, Jacob had imagined what Bella's underwear looked like, he just never pictured it would be himself who would be the one wearing them.

And he wasn't going to call up Edward and say, "Oh hey Edward! On your way to Bella's can you stop by home, pick me up some panties? Oh yea, my crotch is bleeding." But the moment he thought of how ridiculous that would be, he came to grips with the fact that he was probably going to have to.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" he yelled. He was a guy! This type of shit shouldn't be happening to him!

By now steam had begun to build up in the air, fogging over the mirror. Wiping it away with the palm of his feminine hand he looked at himself.

First into his own dark brown eyes then his sight drifted downwards. Looking at his breasts where his once perfectly sculpted man chest had been he thought to himself, 'Well I like these for the fact that they're nice and they're mine...I can touch 'em all I want and watch them without feeling like a perv...' He bounced in place at that to see them jiggle then leaned forward to look all the way down...

"But I seriously miss my junk! Look at this...what is this? No wonder everyone calls it a beaver..." He hadn't realized he was speaking aloud.

"Are you okay, Jacob?" Charlie called from outside the bathroom. "I brought you a towel...they were all in the dryer so...um...I'm just gonna leave it out here...and the clothes are in Bella's room so...go there when your done!"

Hearing his footsteps walk (more like scurry) away he quickly cracked open the door to the smallest degree possible, crouched to the floor and reached his hand out. Hooking the towel with his fingertips he dragged it back and through the one inch opening. It was kind of difficult because it got stuck at first but eventually he pulled it through.

Closing the door and locking it Jacob hugged the towel and reminded himself of Golem from The Lord of The Rings because he felt like he should have been mumbling, 'My precious...'

Sighing he placed it on the counter and stepped into the shower. Letting the water flow over him he placed his hands onto the wall in front of him hanging his head under the stream. His hair fell down in front of him but not enough so that it blocked his view of the shower floor. Crimson everywhere...and what the fuck was that?! Was that even blood?! Jacobs eyes widened as pain filled his midsection and he doubled over to his knee's.

"Oh god! I'm dying!" He let out a high pitched girl scream he didn't know he was capable of. He was surprising the hell out of himself in a bunch or horrible ways today.

Running footsteps were heard coming up the stairs, "Jacob?!" Charlie was once again back at the door.

"I'm fine Charlie, thank you! I'm just...a little emotional, that's all!" Jacob cringed and wondered how woman put up with this for one week of every month for most of their lives.

Then out of no where he just started bawling. "What is going on with me-e-e-e?"

Gasping he found himself instantly drained and...craving chocolate? He guessed he had finally had enough stress, he didn't quite understand the chocolate part but he didn't bother to really think on it.

Frowning he stood to his feet, wiped the tears from his eyes and turned off the shower. He hadn't cleaned himself but the blood was at least washed away enough to where he could put on a pad (oh god, why?) and not feel so disgusting.

Stepping out he wrapped the towel around his hourglass shaped figure and took two pads from beneath the sink, then scooped up his blood stained cloths and bed sheet (he planned on burning them).

And with that he unlocked the door and peaked out...since there was no Charlie anywhere in sight he made a break for Bella's room.


End file.
